Some Rotten Aquarians

Who is the most evil Aquarius in history? This is a question I've been pondering. While Cancers rate high on serial killer lists, and Capricorns are commonly thought to be the most mentally imbalanced sign, no one suspects the Aquarius of having an evil side, but they do.

It turns out that Aquarians are generally mass killers. Think about it, there have been five Aquarian presidents, all have started wars that have killed thousands.

There's also the evil manipulator side of Aquarians. Of the conservatives thought to be the most dangerous in today's political climate, three are Aquarians: Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck. You seemingly can't get more evil than that triad of misery.

It's true that for the most part Aquarius is one of the more liberal sun signs. But when given power, Aquarians tend to like to start fights or--more politely put--they tend to inspire action in other people.

Underestimating the true nature of Aquarian fixedness seems to be the problem--such was the case with Aquarian president Ronald Reagan. But when focused, Aquarians are master manipulators, particularly of the media. So you can imagine what kind of destruction they can do on a broad level.

Infamous dictator Kim Jong-il, born February 16, is a prime example of this kind of manipulative power. The North Korean "Supreme Leader" controls all levels of the North Korean government through cult-of-personality media-driven tactics. By all reports, there are still North Koreans who believe that Kim Jong-il can control the weather.

But is Jong-il the most evil Aquarius currently alive? Nope, his "Most Evil Aquarian" award can be shared with several other fellow Aquarian dictators: Saparmurat Niyazov, Islom Karimov, and Than Shwe. Yes, dictators, as in plural.

How could this be? How could the typically peace-loving, common man-doting, think-before-you-act Aquarius ever be a dictator? It boggles one's mind and there are no easy answers. The only quality each of these dictators shares with the other is their comfort with atrophied philosophies. Perhaps Aquarians would do well to consider this quality an enemy of their true spirit, lest we become stuck in presumptions that affect more than just our small universes and ourselves.

I'm sure there's a few evil Aquarians that I'm missing. If you have one in mind, please feel free to share.

Aquarians as Lovers

I was googling away the other day searching for information on the dreaded Venus in Capricorn pairing that I've been saddled with when I came across this site's discussion and ad hoc poll on the topic of best zodiac lovers.

To my surprise, Aquarius shows up again and again as one of the top zodiac contenders. I'd probably be cheering for our gang right now if it weren't for my naturally dubious outlook on said polls and that it's not at all what I expected. I'd always read that Aquarians are distracted lovers incapable of being passionate and therefore incapable of giving pleasure. What astrologers frequently say is that they are more prone to doing experiments (think of the Operation board game, except the dude hasn't any pants) than love-making, and once they get the expected outcome they move on.

My own personal experience has cemented this notion. Like most Aquarians I'm a late bloomer and haven't had nearly the experience as I assume everyone else has had. I've also watched as famous fellow Aquarians (and me) were cheated on or left in the dust for ostensibly sexier folks.

Two famous Aquarians come to mind as prime examples of this phenomena, and both were left for the same lover: Jennifer Aniston and Laura Dern are Aquarians who were both given the shaft for Angelina Jolie, a Gemini. It's not a scientific poll, mind you, but there's no shortage of famous Aquarians who have been dumped in favor of "spicier" bedroom signs.

This site's informal poll suggests that my opinion was based on bad evidence and that that what Aquarians lack in emotional connectivity they can more than make up for in genuine inquisitiveness and fun if given a chance. It's just with their quirky ways they aren't often given nearly the chance.

What would your own personal scale of zodiac lovers look like based on your own experience? Who is your favorite zodiac lover?

The Gentle Man Aquarian

Noted guitarist Jack Rose passed away a few weeks back. His memoriam was printed in this week's Chicago Reader. Though a sudden and tragic death at too young of an age, I was not surprised to read that this Aquarius was known for his generous embracing nature while simultaneously possessing shrewd tastes of his own. It's a combination that's common to Aquarians and that can just as easily perplex some, yet I love how the memoriam author sums this particularly Aquarius trait up succinctly: "he was so discriminating but still entirely embracing."

As an Aquarius, I've been called everything from difficult to exasperating when it comes to my tastes or standards. Unless an Aquarius has some particularly unfussy supporting signs in their charts, they are usually quite specific about what they do and don't like, who they do show love to and how they show love, but they'll just as easily support what they don't like in the name of friendship in how others behave or love.

Speaking for myself, I know that support (the concept of being there fully and tenderly respecting others, if you will) is more important than being right. So, while I have discriminating tastes and often become exasperated by others (don't get me wrong), it's easy for me to also get why someone loves what I don't without feeling that it threatens my sense of self. In fact, I'm often celebrating those differences and showing them respect.

Jack Rose sounds like one of those mad geniuses who figured this out. During this holiday season, it'd be good to think about how he showed it and to do the same for others.

When Aquarians Go Wrong

Not since Ronald Reagan has there been such a contentious Aquarian figure in politics as there has been with the arrival and rise of conservative commentator Glenn Beck. Much like fellow conservative commentator Ann Coulter (thankfully not an Aquarius, but a Sagittarius) Beck, born February 10, is noted for his often illogically constructed and stubbornly held political viewpoints.

But whereas Coulter subscribes to some form of private Randian mythology superimposed on a gullible public in awe over her leggy blondness, Beck sums up his political viewpoints as someone who is just "fighting for individual rights"--versus not fighting for individual rights or fighting for human rights, I guess--and sources many of his beliefs through a triad of institutions that becomes dangerous when mixed: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, AA, and Libertarianism.

Aquarian conservatives are always shocking to come across, but it's important to remember that Aquarians are generally 1) A highly sensitive bunch, 2) fixed in their beliefs, and 3) contrarian by nature. If the zeitgeist is liberal, you can be certain there will be a legion of Aquarian conservatives perversely challenging the status quo. World peace could be announced, we all could be holding hands and laughing, ice cream could suddenly not make us fat, and dogs would stay puppies forever--even so, Aquarius cranks would have something to lambaste.

This is what astrologers refer to as the willful exoticism of Aquarians. The way it's often framed is that Aquarians are so different that to outsiders it appears that they're being obstinately odd for shock value. (Psst, it's true, they are). And this is where someone like Beck steps in with his cries of "fascism" and "communism," which, strangely enough, have been lobbed during what other political figures say is the most "open" and "forthright" administration in history. From an outsider's perspective, Beck is willfully odd and more often than not wrong. Yet almost certainly in his own mind he's justified and just "fighting for the small man's rights"...with an audience.

It's exactly this kind of mixture that happens when Aquarians go wrong: lots of good intentions combined with lack of factual information and a large-sized audience duped into believing what we're not even certain we believe, because we know that we don't know, and Rest assured that Glenn Beck knows that he doesn't know. There's a saying out there that reminds me of Beck: about how it's better to befriend a man you know will slit your throat while you sleep than a man with good intentions.

Beck will be on the Barbara Walters 10 Most Fascinating People tonight. I'm certain he'll aim for the gut with his bent arrows.

When Aquarians Meet

Today the Oprah Show rebroadcast the "Good Hair" segment with Chris Rock. The exchange between Rock, born February 7, and Winfrey, born January 29, is typical of what happens when two Aquarians meet.

Aquarians are known for their cheerful dispositions and are generally prone to having excellent camaraderie between each other. At least many astrologers have proclaimed that this is the case, though many have also noted how "slightly odd" they become around each other.

In my opinion and as displayed in the rebroadcast, more often than not the energy between two Aquarians goes a little haywire, making them both seem crazier than they were already initially perceived to be.

Maybe there is too much electricity, machinery, and baggage when these two planes are in the same vicinity, but two Aquarians meeting seem to bring out the perverse nature in each other. Comments become unfiltered, banter becomes cloistered, and the air is stirred to nervous levels. Like twins pulled apart at birth, we may know what the other is thinking, but we have no idea what the other is capable of doing.

Witness the body language between Rock and Winfrey and you'll get a sense of this nervousness as Winfrey jumps out of her seat several times, points her finger at Rock, and straightens her clothes--all nervous ticks that seem jumpy and out of context with the dialogue taking place but can be easily understood when one guesses that she is working the odd energy Rock encourages in her.

Meanwhile, one can also visibly tell that Rock is nervous and is doing double time trying not to say something off-color, because now he's in the presence of (dunh, dunh, dunh) The Other Aquarian. All hell could break loose.

My personal experience with fellow Aquarians has always been foremost this sense of nervousness. Even when I don't know that they're Aquarians at the time when introduced, I feel an instant sense of urgency to do something (crash, change course, land) when around them. Once past those initial moments of calibrating just how far they'll go, they often become my closest friends, but it doesn't mean that I don't think they're crazy nonetheless.

So, what's been your experience, both good and bad, with other Aquarians?

When Aquarius is Bored

...they want to tell you about it. No, not really all Aquarians do this, but it's very possible that many are thinking of doing it among other random thoughts that preoccupy their minds. So with little astrological knowledge and a whole lot of self importance, I thought I'd create a blog to discuss all things Aquarius.

Yes, there are better ways to waste one's time. And sure, I could have left it to the truly dedicated astrologers out there who know far more than I ever will the technical aspects of this sun sign. But who better to offer unfiltered, unmitigated, and largely unreliable insight into the bizarre behavior of the Aquarius than a fellow Aquarius?

Join me as I try to unpeel this particular onion's layers and delve into what makes an Aquarius tick and why some parents-to-be should maybe think twice before they bed someone between the months of April and May.